Long distance is something I've been well aware of since beginning my relationship in January 2016, I always knew that ultimately this would be the state of the relationship at some point, and now that point is here. Though it's been a difficult adjustment, I feel very content at the moment and I know my boyfriend does too! Despite the hardships that distance presents us with, we're handling the transition from seeing each other every single day to quite rarely, and that's something I'm proud of. If you're struggling in your long distance relationship, or fear for your relationship if you know it may have to be long distance in the future, please read on! There are a few things that I would really recommend to make your experience of long distance a more pleasant one...
1. Don't over text. There's a huge temptation to spend every minute glued to your phone, and I've definitely been that person before, but all it does is end up straining your relationship. It's all well and good texting a lot when you're both free, but the minute one of you has something else to do, the other is going to feel rejected and probably a bit resentful. That isn't healthy. Also, if you text all the time, you're eventually going to run out of things to say. Save the in-depth chats for phone calls or facetimes. You can and should text each day to keep each other updated on your plans, but don't go into too much detail and definitely don't ignore the people you're with to reply to messages. They're not that urgent and your partner should understand. So, keep the texting to a minimum!
2. Try to arrange a daily/weekly phone call. This will help you avoid over texting. If you know that you have a big phone call scheduled that night, you'll be able to save up all your juicy gossip for it
rather than constantly messaging them, and a phone call is a much better way to communicate because you can actually hear each other's voices! It's so nice to know that at the end of the day you're going to hear your partners voice, especially if you call right before you go to sleep, and it definitely helps me feel that bit more motivated through the daytime to do my own thing and not mope about because I miss my boyfriend! Which leads me onto the next point...
3. Embrace opportunities. Say yes to things. It's so hard feeling separate from your partner and there's sometimes an urge to restrict your social life because you feel that'll give you more time to dedicate to them, but it's a lot better to go out and live your life than it is to sit about waiting for them to message or call. Don't avoid doing things because you want to be ready to respond to their messages or don't want to experience too much without them. I know you might be worried about doing things without them, particularly if ideally, you'd like them to be a part of that experience, but you can still enjoy yourself when they're not around. If you manage to get that phone call in then you can tell them all about it too and make them feel as if they were there! Embrace whatever opportunities come your way! Go out with your friends, go to work, join a club or start a course. At first you might feel guilty for going off and immersing yourself in something that takes your mind off your partner, but in the long run you'll feel so much better because you haven't spent all day thinking about them and winding up in a bit of a state! Nothing else that you do and nobody else that you spend time with should replace the person you love, so don't worry that it will. Seriously, embrace the independence and enjoy yourself, go out and do your thing, if they love you then they'll be happy for you and will understand. This one works both ways...
4. Let them embrace opportunities. I've been guilty in the past of feeling as if my boyfriend was choosing other people and other experiences over me. Snapping out of this mindset is one of the best things you can do for yourself and for your partner, and I have to say I think it's easier to do when you're long distance. They literally couldn't be spending time with you, so really, they might as well go and enjoy themselves with other people! As long as they're going to keep you updated on their adventures then there shouldn't be a problem. You need to live your life and they need to live theirs, and if you really are committed to the relationship then your lives will remain intertwined because you'll make sure they do! There's no point in either of you sitting around being sad, you both deserve to go out and have fun in whatever you choose to do.
5. Respect and trust them. If you can't respect or trust the person you're with then you shouldn't be with them. Of course, early on in a relationship it's important that they earn your trust, they shouldn't just automatically receive it, but once they've shown you that they're dedicated to you, then you have to let yourself accept that. If you're worried every time they're going on a night out or feel threatened by any of their opposite gender friends, but they haven't given you any cause for concern, then that's your problem. Just remind yourself that long distance is a big commitment and they wouldn't be attempting it if they didn't love you and if they didn't want this. Also, if you know your behaviour would upset them, stop it. Whether you're getting a bit too friendly with someone or doing something you know they wouldn't like, stop. It's your life so you can and should make your own decisions, but you've chosen to be with this person and if your actions are going to affect them in a negative way then why the Hell are you even considering doing that? Always be open and honest. Work on your issues and treat your boyfriend/girlfriend as you'd wish to be treated by them.
6. Try to plan your next visit in advance. It helps me a lot to know when I'm next seeing my boyfriend, that way I feel like we've prioritized the relationship and can enjoy our time apart because I know that it won't be forever, soon we'll be reunited! Ideally, after one visit you should really start planning the next, whether it's days, weeks or even months away! Having a date secured will put your mind at ease and give you something to count down to.
7. Know when you want the long distance to end. This shouldn't be a permanent state, more a temporary situation with an end goal that see's you two living together. Be realistic with this, just keep it in mind and make steps towards that day whenever you can.
8. Be as public, or as private, as you want to be. Some people love sharing their relationship on social media, some people don't, both are fine. Don't feel that you have to post to prove to your followers or friends that you're still together and everything is going well, if you feel that way then things probably aren't going that well to be honest. Your social media should first and foremost be for you, so don't go posting things for anybody else's benefit. If you like to share a lot and your partner doesn't, don't worry. As long as they're telling you how they feel, that's all that should matter. They might miss you tremendously but aren't going to go telling the world that, it's not a problem as long as they're telling you!
9. Don't compare your relationship to anybody else's. Your relationship isn't like anybody else's, because you two aren't like anybody else. There's no use in scrolling through your social media and feeling bitter because of all of these couples that are together and having lovely days out and going on fantastic dates, it's only going to make you miserable. The time will come when you'll be the couple out together looking all cute and feeling all loved up, and until then, you can enjoy doing your own thing and having somebody that you can tell all about it! Your relationship isn't any less real just because you're apart a lot, if anything it's possibly a lot stronger, so focus on that and not on anybody else.
10. Treasure the memories. When you do meet up make sure you take lots of photographs. I scrapbook all of the trips and excursions I've been on with my boyfriend! I order the photos from Freeprints as I'm headed home on the train usually, within a couple of days they've arrived and then I get creative AND reminisce all at once. I even keep silly things like the train tickets or shop receipts, anything that's a reminder of the fun we've had.
Take it in your stride, follow this advice if any of it is relevant to you, and enjoy the time you do get together. I hope you make it through this tricky time and end up in a situation where you don't have to go a single day without each other! Please feel free to subscribe at the bottom for future updates, and to share if you think this post could help anybody else out! Also, if you run a blog, send me a link over and I'll check it out - you can contact me on the About page (link at the top of the blog). Thank you so much for reading!